The Good News and The Bad News
67
My butt has its own zip code...
A couple weeks ago I became determined to lose the weight that had sloooowly crept up on me in the last couple years. You know - the kind of weight that hugs your butt because you have sat in an office chair for too long while noshing on fast food because the boss has stressed you out. The kind of weight that goes 'oh hellooo....care for a snuggle?' once you cross 35. The kind of weight that gets men commenting on how healthy your butt looks while they create a nickname for it. The kind of weight where you feel more like Jello than J-Lo.
I decided to approach this as a bit of a challenge and, like any life changing journey, it has had its ups and downs. So here is the good news and the bad news so far:
Well the good news is that I have lost a total of 7 lbs since I started counting my calories..
...the bad news is I put back on 3 in the last 2 weeks while I was on holiday...aaagk!!
The good news is I am eating LOTS of salad....
...The bad news is I've been balancing it off with healthy loads of brownies and beef pies and chocolate ice cream.
The good news is I walked for a whole hour - briskly - tonight.
.....The bad news is I didn't walk worth a fart for the last 2 weeks.
The good news is I joined a weight loss clinic last week and have my first session this Thursday....
The bad news is one of the kids I teach at school was there with his mom and annouced that fact to anyone within earshot the next day!
The good news is that I appear so far to be the lightest person at the weight loss clinic...
The bad news is I am also one of the shortest - so it is all relative!
The goodnews is I am still drinking lots of water...
The bad news is I am still playing bathroom roulette! :-)
The good news is my bathroom scale IS accurate...
The bad news is my bathroom scale is ACCURATE :-(
The good news is I tried on my skinny jeans the other day and they went on...
The bad news was I couldn't zip them up. (yet!)
The good news is I have a great sense of humour about the whole thing..
The bad news is the 'fat' jokes are usually on me.
The good news is my fiance loves me for who I am...
The bad news is he says he now loves me 'twice' as much.
The good news is I know there are millions of people out there just like me..
The bad news is I only see the skinny sexy ones when I go out to party
The good news is I don't have cellulite
The bad news is I have cellu- HEAVY
The good news is I finally have something to write in a hub...
The bad news is you guys have to read it.
Well anyway..short and sweet. Just like me - but without the fat content (which hopefully will also be me soon!)
If anyone would like to take the challenge and get fit along with me check out this website here:
http://caloriecount.about.com/
And now if you'll excuse me while I say Grace - I have some celery with my name on it!
*bows head*
"Dear Lord...if you can't make me thin..please make my friends fat! Amen! :-)"
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touche! (with the little accent over the e thingy that I can't figure out how to do on here)
Grins...I loved this...very human! :)
heheh..thanks Tom.. I guess my "How to Blend in on Earth" book by Ima Alien is working then!
This is great! I wish you the best as you strive to achieve your goals. It's all in how you feel, not in what you weigh.
Chicka Chicka Boom Boom-
heheh - I had forgotten that movie!
Yep I'm a firm believer in loving yourself and making the best of what you have. Just want to fit back in those damn skinny jeans!! :-)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ED4aZ3nAnw8 - hahah..never heard that before..just looked it up. It's catchy!
Ah Sharrie, the good news is that this sounds just like me. Forget the bad news! :P
oh gawwwwwd...it's one of those songs that sticks in your head..ahhhggh I am going to be singing flip,flop, flea for days now!
yay! A fellow lazagna lover! Hugs to the Prophet~
Yeah Sharrie, we rock...and shake, and jiggle...and what the heck! :P
More of you to love. :D
The other day I got a 'belly dancing' DVD to try out. My fiance asked me "What's that you're doing?"
I said : "The Shimmy"
He said " Hmmm...looks more like the Shamu"
:P
Well, as they say, you have to talk the good with the bad. Besides it makes the good all the more priceless. Thanks for sharing, I hope it lessened the load for you :D
Check me back in a couple weeks and I'll definately have the loads lessened!
Alrighty! Go for the gold :D
Bully for you! I love your original art piece at the top of this Page. Beautiful!
Thanks James! To me it represents life and joy..not enough joy in the world, so hope it helps make a difference!
LOL! :) Thanks for making me smile!
You're welcome Spryte!
Hi Sharrie. IF...you lost your butt, and your fiance actually only loved you half as much...would it be a good trade off to you?
Signed,
Ilikebigbutts
Posterior, Alabama
LOL. Lose the weight (if you feel you must) but by all means keep your sense of humor! Loved it! :)
sharrie the good news is I like puddy fat, and many men do. Don't lose that and a nce butt like your's needs to be placed on the register for protected territory. Hubby probably does love ya 2X more, if it's possible. Good hub funny girl. Oh, I am working my winter fat off in the garden now.
I thank you all from the bottom of my....errrr...bottom? :-)
funny stuff sharrie. I have to mention, I like a round one myself.
Sharrie I keep cracking up every time I look at your new avatar -- LOVE it! you are so silly! now I forget what the hub was abou-- oh yeah: plenitude in the posterior region, as 'twere. I, too, sadly must admit to being more than I was. But I just like chocolate too much. And it's not as if I ever intend looking for a fellah ever again. So pass the cookies: I'll eat your share, so you can lose weight.
I always say chocolate is proof that God exists Teresa! :-) Won't be passing up the chocolate any time soon.. :-) We'll share the cookies - half the calories!
Thanks for your vote in favour of big bottom girls Toad...I hear we make the world go round!
Don't know bout you guys but sweetened condensed milk gets my vote over skimmed milk any day! ;-)
How's the celery coming? It's a good thing you live far away, I love to make homemade chocolate candies to tempt dieters. Muhahaha
Actually I am allergic to celery..makes my mouth itch. Chocolate is the only known antidote!
I'm in the boat with many others in regard to weight. I cannot seem to lose it but I do need to get up off the rear a little more often. I need some incentive.
Thank you for the humor.
Hi RGraf..I know how fustrated you are feeling...don't give up! I must say that calorie counter site I posted is helping and now that I KNOW I will be accountable for every pound when I go to my weight loss class I have a lot more motivation. Find a buddy! You can do it!
Good news for today - I seem to have lost that 3 lbs I put back on by getting back on the wagon in the last week
The bad news is - there is no chocolate on the wagon..Teresa and Papermoon ate it all! ;-)
Whenever I say I want to lose weight, I seem to start suffering from eaterlitis and will consume anything that has a wrapper
I too am battling the battle of the bulge....need to lose 50 lbs....20 off so far. That darn Badcompany motivated me...he wrote a hub...forget which one....but you should go read it...anyway....funny hub....liked it a lot.
WOOHOO..I just got nominated for hubnugget of the week :-) Maybe that butt of mine is good for something after all!
R. Blue 20 lbs is amazing!! Congrats..keep at it!! As our motivator tonight said..being fat or thin is a matter of choice..which do you choose?
Hey Cindyvine..I know what that feels like. Maybe I'll start putting my broccoli in a wrapper and see if that helps!
Thanks everyone for all the great comments!
Charming, funny stuff! Well-written, many laughs...Love the underlying fat-positive message as well. You balance it well with Bridget Jones-ish angst that's all your own. Nice art, too.
Thank you! I am so glad you stopped by and enjoyed it. I'm thinking of doing a whole cartoon saga of my dieting trials, tribulations and triumphs!
And yeah..I love my body no matter what..its the only one I got!!
Congratulations on the Hubnuggets :D
Now you should celebrate with a big chocolate cake and ice cream! ;)
Absolutely love it and understand the struggle...I'm not winning the battle to lose weight but am trying to accept that I'm probably never again going to be my pre-pregnancy weight and never be back in skinny jeans BUT that doesn't mean that I'm not still a great, lovable person!!! note: I said TRYING... mirrors and I have a bad relationship just now, I feel 7yrs bad luck coming on - hahahah
I was laughing and laughing...you are funny Sharrie! Yes, congratulations! This hub has been handpicked and has been nominated for this week's hubnuggets. Click this link: http://hubpages.com/hub/HubNuggets-Biggie-Sized
So be sure to vote and invite many butt loving people to vote for you too. I had fun. Many thanks!
very funny... and true, maybe that is why it was so funny :) good news/bad news... who cares if you can laugh about it you've done it, you are on top of the world, so now you can enjoy some ice cream with extra chocolate sauce :)
Haha, thanks for the morning chuckles. =)
"The bad news is I am still playing bathroom roulette! :-)"
Reminds me of a comic I saw a few weeks ago...
"I think I have an upset stomach, I've been to the bathroom a lot today."
"Oh my! Have you taken anything?"
"Just my car magazines."
G|M
That last line is hilarious! Good luck in the HubNugget race this week!
Good thing HubNuggets are fat free, eh!
Very funny chronicle. Love your self-deprecating humor! And good job promoting your nomination on the forum! That's what I call using your head ... er, I mean, tail... MM
Good thing HubNuggets are fat free, eh!
Very funny chronicle. Love your self-deprecating humor! And good job promoting your nomination on the forum! That's what I call using your head ... er, I mean, tail... MM
This is so cute and true, and every woman (and many men, probably) who's battled the bulge, including yours truly, can relate! Love every word you wrote because it is so true to life, and you're a great writer in the mold of Erma [sp?] Bombeck. I laughed as I read. Keep writing in this vein.
Very funny stuff!
OMG! Ain't it the truth! What is it about hitting 30 that makes your weight explode!? Absolutely loved this, totally cracked me up. Thanks for sharing!
The good news, I'm losing weight. The bad news...I have a tape worm. Haha. I really appreciate your humor on this touchy topic. Good luck with your battle of the bulge.
As a big butt myself who is trying in vane to lose it, I say great hub page. Keep up the good work.
Ah, my big butt friend,
We are a perfect Ten!
Come and help me wedge some clay,
So we'll have some for another day,
And I'll give you a healthy snack,
So that you will feel no lack.
A cup of tea is what we need,
It's the happy drug for our breed!
Agreed!
Let me yawn and stretch some more
While you the tea begin to pour
I'm feeling in a lazy mood
But know a cup o' tea will soothe
Give me 10 minutes or maybe 20
And I'll help you wedge the clay aplenty
Soon out the door
Soon on my way
No lazing in bed for me today! :-)
This was too good! You are so darned talented in so many ways that if I didn't love you so much I might be green with envy!
By the way, here's what I've just been told by an expert at the VA hospital about losing weight: Don't eat at all between the hours of 10 a.m. and noon, 4 and 6 p.m., and 9 and 10 p.m. Your body has to feel hunger to lose weight.
Only have plain popcorn (nothing at all on it) for snacks in between meals, and never take more than four bites of dessert. I've already lost four pounds in two weeks and am not starving.
Of course, my recent heart attack gives me a huge incentive....
Good for you! That is a great start..keep it up!! I'm not dieting right now because I am expecting a baby in January :-) Will try to get back on the band waggon after that but God decided to have a good laugh at me seriously starting a diet! hehe
Sharrie - This was great! So funny...even though I never use the "b" word.
I lost your email (don't ask me how) but am so pleased by your news. Can I help name the baby? How does Ariadne strike you? ;-)
Paper Moon 3 years ago
Good news - He loves you twice as much ! And more good news, you will have extra cushion if you fall out of that coconut tree ;)